i'm finally back! funny, i manage to read several blogs daily, but i can't seem to keep up with my own. i wonder if i'll ever get to the point of blogging every day or have the kind of blog that actually has readers. i was reading my absolute, most favourite blog today, "dooce", and marveling at the amount of time she must spend typing away. i guess for some people it's a way to relax or unwind, or clear their heads, but for me it still seems like a chore. kind of like going to the gym. i want to, i mean i want to be the kind of person who likes to write, but i somehow rarely get around to it and have a strange ability to find a million other things i'd rather be doing. but really, i for some reason like the idea of having a place to say whatever i want, so i am trying to get myself in the habit. so far, not so good, but i guess only time will tell.

i'm feeling in such a rut lately. not in an i'm-depressed-can't-get-out-of-bed kind of way; more of a where-is-my-life-going sort of way. you know how when you're little, you think you'll be a rock star, or a famous actor, or a doctor, or cyndi lauper? well, maybe it was just me who aspired to be cyndi lauper, but that aside, most kids imagine themselves growing up to be something really exciting and important. and also living somewhere far away and exotic. i think most kids feel like this, anyway. i did. and now, living in regina, trying to get a teaching job, married to my husband (who is quite wonderful), it's not that i'm dissatisfied, i just wonder if this is it. i think i'd be happy and live a fulfilled life if it is, but i just never quite seem to have that sense of being and doing exactly what i'm meant to. okay, it sounds like i'm unhappy, or negative, or ungrateful, but that's really not the case. i just want to know for sure. it's not like i think that most people don't have any questions or anything. i don't know. like i said, it's a rut. this too will pass. hopefully.